February 21st, 2008


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jimbojones
02:51 pm - It's always Caturday on the Drunkternet!
So, it all started when pantsnotneeded started fucking with my FreeBSD wiki. "Do not fuck with me, for I admin your internets," I said. "Hah, you think you could stop me?" "Yes... yes I could. For a beginning."

So I started fucking around with proxies, and quickly discovered that most of them really won't *do* what I want them to do - fuck with people, that is. The guy who did the upside-down-ternet was close, but to be honest while I found his inspiration to be divine, his method was crude to the point of active pain: he wasn't even REALLY proxying stuff, he actually had a script in the background downloading images, saving them, fucking with them on the hard drive, then serving THEM off of... yeah, you don't care. But, I knew I could do better - rather than saving stuff and screwing around on the command line, I wanted to edit the TCP stream live, just like the xkcd comic. Only without the oven mitts.

A day later, I'd learned a fucking ton about proxies in general, the Perl HTTP::Proxy CPAN module more specifically, and I finished my project: the Drunkternet, where it's ALWAYS Caturday. I originally intended to inflict it on pantsnotneeded just before heading out to work - without comment, and without any way to avoid it - but his hard drive crashed this morning, so I figured he'd had enough of a bad day and just showed it to him instead.

But maybe you've been having a better day than he has! Feeling brave? Or maybe, just too goddamn sober? Either way, set your browser's proxy setting to 64.15.152.73 port 3128, and get on the Drunkternet!


Firefox:



Click Tools from the top menu and then Options (or if you're using a Mac, Firefox then Preferences) then click Advanced, and Settings, and you'll get the Connection Settings dialog box. Make it look like this and click OK until you're back into the browser.

Internet Explorer:




Click Tools from the top right of the browser, then Options from its dropdown menu, click the Connections tab at the top and the LAN settings button at the bottom, then make the Proxy server dialog box look like it does above.


Shoutouts go to the Upside-down-ternet guy (for a large part of the original inspiration), Psyci from the Pen forum (who originated the sine/cosine derived "bob and weave" routine used by a lot of the elements), and Thomas Cattimus (who is showing your sorry ass how to WIN).

(obligatory disclaimer: the Drunkternet is currently limited to 30 concurrent clients, so if your internets quit working after you set your proxy, just set it back and try again later. the Drunkternet may also not function at work, depending on how hard-ass your office's network security is.)


 
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: ZZ Top - Heaven, Hell, or Houston

(16 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:



 
[User Picture] From: lisa_e_is_me
Date: February 21st, 2008 - 08:44 pm
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What I understood out of that entire post:

NOTHING

Carry on.


 
[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: February 21st, 2008 - 09:06 pm
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Just follow the directions. SET BROWSER TO STUN.

Alternately, if you have more than one computer in the family: set husband's browser to Stun.


 
[User Picture] From: pantsnotneeded
Date: February 21st, 2008 - 09:07 pm
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If by "showing your sorry ass how to win" you mean showing you how to get bounced into solitary confinement for pooping on the floor, then, yes.

Little doggies get belly rubs and freshly grilled chicken breast. Cats get the finger and a hateful look. Fuck you, Tom. You fucking cat.


 
[User Picture] From: marys_second
Date: February 21st, 2008 - 11:52 pm
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Very impressive.


 
From: jpeace
Date: February 22nd, 2008 - 10:40 am
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A+

I mixed it with ICHC and then ate the pills collected on the bottom of my purse. Best indeterminate number of hours of my life.


 
[User Picture] From: clme
Date: February 23rd, 2008 - 09:00 am
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I like it...



...but it seems like it either needs to be more messed up or slightly less messed up for me to start unleashing it onto random people.

Aw, who am I kidding. I just need to find random people that aren't at work (where I'm supposed to yell at the proxy users).


 
[User Picture] From: skywayman
Date: February 26th, 2008 - 06:10 pm
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Drunkernet is down.


 
[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: February 26th, 2008 - 06:14 pm
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i fired it up again, and boy is it trippy replying to this

n/t


 
[User Picture] From: skywayman
Date: February 26th, 2008 - 06:22 pm
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Re: i fired it up again, and boy is it trippy replying to this

"Firefox is configured to use a proxy server that is refusing connections."

Busted!


 
[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: February 26th, 2008 - 06:25 pm
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Re: i fired it up again, and boy is it trippy replying to this

Wow. It's apparently gotten linked somewhere, because it's getting a significant amount of traffic right now. The second I fire it up, it maxes out with 30 connections and that's all she wrote. Who'd ha' thunk?


 
[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: February 26th, 2008 - 06:30 pm
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Re: i fired it up again, and boy is it trippy replying to this

I upped the max number of clients, and it's running again, but I think I'd better hack in some logging real quick and make sure it's actually PEOPLE using it, and not script kiddies who don't mind a bit of javascript fuckery mixed in with their proxying...


 
[User Picture] From: skywayman
Date: February 26th, 2008 - 07:00 pm
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Re: i fired it up again, and boy is it trippy replying to this

Could be bots who don't care because they aren't browsing. I'd love to know who is using it.


 
[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: February 26th, 2008 - 07:03 pm
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Re: i fired it up again, and boy is it trippy replying to this

For some unknown reason, bots are trying hard as fucking HELL to make HTTP/1.0 requests to mailservers - yes, mailservers - and, yes, ON PORT 25 - using the proxy.

It's not doing them any good, as the mailservers don't know what the hell they're doing, but they're trying it.

If you're interested, I'll let you know as I figure out more. For the moment, it's effectively down except when I bring it up for a few seconds to capture some traffic.


 
[User Picture] From: skywayman
Date: February 26th, 2008 - 07:12 pm
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Re: i fired it up again, and boy is it trippy replying to this

If it looks like a socks proxy, the bots are trying to spam through you. HTTP proxies are commonly hijacked by spammers (as I keep trying to tell our customers). You may be stuck unless you want to use an ACL.


 
[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: February 26th, 2008 - 07:16 pm
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Re: i fired it up again, and boy is it trippy replying to this

Yah, that's what they're trying to do, it looks like. Of course it's NOT a SOCKS proxy, so it's doing them no good.

I was actually a lot more concerned about the goddamn HTTPspammers finding it (and eventually was going to take it down for exactly that reason), but that definitely isn't the case. It's just SMTPspammers indulging in some epic fail.

Now I'm experimenting with ways to just immediately kill anything that tries to connect to remote port 25... fun stuff. =)


 
[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: February 26th, 2008 - 07:27 pm
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Re: i fired it up again, and boy is it trippy replying to this

Yup, 'twas found through a portscan. Seems weird to me that botters think that squid (which is usually what is found on port 3128) is likely to be willing to proxy SMTP, but... there you have it.

My guess is that Squid actively says "fuck you" to requests to proxy SMTP where my little proxy just kinda goes "huh? um, okay, whatever" and makes an HTTP request to the remote server on port 25, so the botters think "oh boy it works!" when they don't get the immediate disco.


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