1. Life has been feeling a little gray around the edges lately. I keep waffling back and forth between thinking "man, I'm glad I'm not an emotional retard like I was when I was in my early 20's" and hearing songs like Mogwai - Summer or M83 - Don't Save Us From The Flames and thinking "ah, the terrible grandeur of teenage love... I miss that. Even if it was ultimately self-destructive."
2. My boss and my coworker had a prolonged conversation in the office last week concerning another coworker surveying a project. They used the phrase "Philip was doing lines in the boat" - which refers to running survey lines, where you take data points with GPS and bathymetry equipment at set intervals along those lines - seriously like 20 times in two minutes. Finally I couldn't take it anymore, and said with a goofy grin, "you better keep that on the down low, the DEA doesn't like to hear about that kind of thing." Trey (my coworker) grinned and chuckled. Bossman stared at me completely blank. I blinked, and said "um. You know. Doing lines on the boat?" Trey rolled his eyes. Bossman stared blankly for three more beats and said "is that a drug reference?" "Dude. Did you never watch Miami Vice in the 80's? Are you kidding me?" Yes, I said that. To my boss. At least I didn't say "you can't watch Nickelodeon without learning what 'doing lines' means!" ... while he was there.
3. I hooked up with a seriously insane, seriously hot chick a couple of times a couple of months ago. I didn't realize she was seriously insane at the time. But, wow, yeah. I mean usually you know what's up with a girl, to some degree, right? If you make a statement like "it doesn't add up" when describing her behavior, what you really mean is, "it adds up, but it doesn't add up to the same total she's trying to sell me on." Not in this case. Girl stood me up, I shit you not, three out of three times we were supposed to go out. AND YET after two months of no contact with her, she still gives enough of a shit to call me up and try to get together again and apologize profusely for being such a fuckup. Wtf? She is actually a literal joke now. My friends and I refer to her as "random-ass" ever since she rang my cell while I was at Nate's, and he christened her with his usual panache. Go Nate.
4. Had a first date tonight. French teacher (collegiate level). Early thirties. A little mousey (but I like mousey!) but cute, and intelligent, and can at least pretend to look interested while I babble about Japanese and at least pretend not to be offended when I hold forth on what college professors are doing wrong. What's not to like? Seriously, a good time. Even though she told me the (incredibly bad) country singer on the stage was clearly far tougher than I am, because he had silver lame on his hat. I am totally calling her back.
5. Speaking of the (incredibly bad) country singer, he and his band performed a number that actually pissed me the fuck off. A little something they composed themselves, called "Cherokee Boogie", in which a fictional "indian chief" who is "lovesick for a lil' squaw" says lots and lots of nonsense syllables over and over again "and waves his tommy-hawk around." Good job, assholes. Good job making sure you aim your shit-tastic ethnic slur against people that got killed off enough that you can be fairly sure you won't run into, anyway. I am guessing you wouldn't have the balls to get on stage and sing "Little Black Sambo Boogie" in which he says "ooga ooga booga" over and over "and waves his spear around." And probably wouldn't even make the connection between the two ideas on your own. Again, assholes. Thankfully, my date was in the bathroom for this delightful little boogie and therefore didn't have to witness my sour expression while I sat through it.
6. Speaking again of the date, she told me she had recently gone out with a Quebecois guy, which she "totally geeked out about." (French teacher, remember. I can respect that.) She said she was totally disappointed because he "was fascinated with American culture, drove a ridiculous pickup truck - an F-350! - and had absolutely no political convictions whatsoever." I blurted "and he was from Quebec?" She nodded solemnly. "Did they ride him out on a rail?" (I am looking at you as I type this, Linda!)
7. My math professor and I got off to a bad start on the first day of class this semester, but since then I have decided he is An Winrar. During an animated story he was telling about a convention he attended on DNA sequencing algorithms, he explained that this was actually quite a wild convention because it was interdisciplinary - having computer scientists and network managers and biochemists as well as mathematicians - and therefore was far more rowdy than a normal math convention. "During one of the talks I gave, there were almost fistfights breaking out in the crowd!" I couldn't resist commenting "NERDFIGHT - 3, 2, 1 GO!" and grinning. He grinned back at me and said "yeah, pretty much." OK, Josh Cooper, you are now a winner in my book.
8. He showed up to class today with a price tag hanging from the armpit of his shirt. Bobbing wildly around as he gestured. Oh my god the torture. I so wanted to say things like "hey man, did you get that shirt from Old Navy?" but I couldn't, because one, it was a little more directly antagonistic than the nerdfight comment, and two, I already tested him only last week and he passed. So I totally didn't want to either embarass him or make him think I was attacking him. And yet, I didn't want to let the guy keep wandering around wildly flailing his shirt tag about either. And it was getting harder and harder to keep a straight face. AND THERE WAS NO NON-PUBLIC WAY TO LET HIM KNOW. Finally, a guy behind me said "uh check your armpit man." Naturally he went for the right armpit, then had to be directed to the left. And sighed, and pulled the tag, and said - bewildered - "I didn't think this was a new shirt!" At which point I blurted "I hope that was a new shirt." He just kinda rolled his eyes and said "yeah, I've probably been wandering around like this for 3 months now." And went back to lecturing. Once again, this guy = teh winrar. I like him.
9. THERE IS NO NINE