February 7th, 2007


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jimbojones
05:37 pm - harnessing the power of ridicule
I and several coworkers have decided that we could all stand to lose a few pounds, and have therefore devised a new game, which we are entering into this week. We call this game "Fattest Fatass."

The format is much like that of the TV show "Biggest Loser", in which whatever lardass contestant sheds the highest multiple of their own fucking body weight wins. Only, that's too positive for us. Instead, we are working from the same sort of perspective a rational person uses in case of shark attack: you don't have to outswim the shark, you just have to outswim the guy next to you.

So, in Fattest Fatass, we weigh in once every two weeks, and whoever has lost the smallest percentage of their bodyweight is officially the Fattest Fatass for that period, and has their name and title posted on a whiteboard of shame for all to see. At first, we thought we might not have a whiteboard available. "We can put it on the website for all I care," Trey said. This of course digressed into daydreaming about links there from the New Employment section. "Are you a disgusting tub of fucking lard? Would you like to be publicly ridiculed for it? Come work at [marine civil engineering firm]!"

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location: work
Current Mood: bored

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:



 
[User Picture] From: lindapendant
Date: February 7th, 2007 - 10:45 pm
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I think the Fattest Fatass should have to shed real tears in front of all the participants to give it that reality show feel.


 
[User Picture] From: freakout
Date: February 8th, 2007 - 03:52 am
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I wish all the fucking fatasses at my job would play your version.


 
[User Picture] From: lauracroft
Date: February 8th, 2007 - 05:41 am
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If you want to win, do the Master Cleanse! No one can out-lost that! (Biance used it to lose 20 lbs for Dreamgirls)


 
From: five_speed
Date: February 8th, 2007 - 10:45 am
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I'm assuming it's all guys in the contest. If girls did something like that, it would be considered weird, creepy, and fucked-up.


 
[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: February 8th, 2007 - 08:54 pm
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You misspelled "because girls aren't relaxed and self-confident enough about weight issues to do that."


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