another day in the surreal life

March 26th, 2008

06:19 pm - another day in the surreal life
Woke up today to an inbound text message from a number I'd never seen:

803-555-THEM: What's the penalty for murder in this state?

803-555-JIMJ: I don't know this number. Who are you?

803-555-THEM: Really? This is Tara. I guess I am that forgettable.

803-555-JIMJ: Next question: Who am I?

At that point, we established that no, we each did not know who the heck the other was, the established penalty for murder under SC law is boiling in grits, chocolate is NOT an acceptable substitute for grits, and I had an alibi for March 15th.

After another mildly frustrating day at work, I stopped off at Publix on the way home from work to get a few things. Ooh, parking spot next to really gorgeous girl loading groceries - snag. Turn off the engine, get out of the car, realize parking spot is, in fact, next to heartbrokenly sobbing into cellphone gorgeous girl loading groceries. There is really nothing useful you can do with an instinctive reflex to comfort/succor/defend/protect a heartbrokenly sobbing girl when you don't know her, she's on the phone, and returning her shopping cart to the corral. All you can really do is avert your eyes politely, walk by, and ruminate on how retarded it is to feel somehow guilty about overtly ignoring her. Awkward.

Then inside the store, at the steak display, I had to look around and make sure I didn't walk through some kind of fucked up stargate into Disneyworld, because goddamn if the stereotypical loudly chattering asshole eastern-europeans-of-indeterminate-origin (couldn't place the language) weren't clustered all up on top of the steak display in a knot of six or so, ignoring the growing crowd of people wanting to, you know, BUY A FUCKING STEAK. Also just like Disneyworld, they ignored increasingly loud "excuse me"s until eventually I just elbowed one physically the fuck aside. At which point they behaved as though nothing whatsoever had happened, but began ambling away slowly. What the fuck is it with that?

Fuck you world I am jumping in a hole and pulling it in after me a la Bugs Bunny. :: ASCII birdfinger ::

Tags: rant, surreal, vignette

location: home

(9 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:

	From: lisa_e_is_me Date: March 26th, 2008 - 08:26 pm					(Link)

Mmmmmm...steak. Publix has a nice meat department, especially because I am not able to smell their meat from the front of the store like I can in SOME places (Kroger and Winn Dixie, I'm looking at you).

I think you have been to Disneyworld at the wrong time of year, because in January, we've never had any problems with inconsiderate globs of people. My aunt, on the other hand, gawd. If someone would have offered to take her in exchange for roping myself to the people in your meat department, I would have taken them up on it in a hot second.

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	From: jimbojones Date: March 27th, 2008 - 12:20 am					(Link)

I think maybe you just didn't notice them because you were saddled with that godawful aunt from hell. I haven't the foggiest idea how you guys all kept your mouths shut, I'd have broken my foot off in her ass in pretty short order.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

From: treyh37 Date: March 27th, 2008 - 03:25 pm					(Link)

hmm i got a text last night from someone i dont know also went like this

random person: sorry i forgot to cook dinner, i got sidetracked doing clean up in the bedroom. tips dwn 0 ta 1. xoxox

me: wrong number. whoever you are

random person: sorry!

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	From: lindapendant Date: March 28th, 2008 - 09:57 am					(Link)

Speaking of penalty for murder in your State - your roommate is hot.

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	From: jimbojones Date: March 28th, 2008 - 11:59 am					(Link)

He's sorta like a young Lex Luthor, only with more disdain for humanity.

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	From: pantsnotneeded Date: March 28th, 2008 - 03:42 pm					(Link)

And without all the money to bring my plans of world domination to fruition. =/

Also, go me for being hot!

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	From: jimbojones Date: March 28th, 2008 - 03:45 pm					(Link)

Unfortunately, your slight superiority in villainy is offset by your relative lack of super-science ability.

The world probably wasn't ready for a Mutant Death Ray covered in "my little pony" stickers and glitter, anyway.

On a mostly unrelated note: I got a printer/scanner today.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	From: pantsnotneeded Date: March 29th, 2008 - 07:08 pm					(Link)

But glitter makes it pretty.

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	From: lindapendant Date: March 29th, 2008 - 08:06 am					(Link)

In other words, just like you.

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