May 6th, 2008

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06:13 pm - boredom
It turns out that my HDTV has a fault so common that Mitsubishi actually said "fuck the warranty terms, if you have this we will fix it." Naturally, my particular instance of this HDTV not only has the fault, but elected to fail just after I really got into GTA4. And it will take a week or more to get a replacement for the failed part. So, no Grand Theft Auto. No TV shows either. Or movies at home. My living room is now a great big pile of useless with a blank 65" screen front and center. Barnes and Noble purely and simply has nothing else I want now, so no books either. Fuck.

I want to talk about the two days I spent last week doing offshore dives for work. It was miserable, it was dangerous, it was wonderful, it was my first experience with seasickness ever - in spite of having spent six years in the Navy. More importantly, it was a chance to be Blue Collar Jimbo again. I missed that guy even more than I realized. I have never been entirely comfortable living a purely white collar life. But I don't want to spend too much time talking about it before I see what's on the captain's camera. Everybody likes an illustrated story.

Televisionless, bookless, playstationless, I started reading truly ancient entries of other people's journals. Sometimes it's interesting just trying to identify the feature line where you made someone's e-acquaintance, when you've "known" them for years. Have I read this entry before? Do I know the context of this story? Does this further inform my idea of the person I think I know, if it predates our "acquaintance"? You can call it e-stalking if you're feeling unkind. But if we're going to e-prefix a word to label it, I will aspire to labeling it e-archaeology. Hey, I've been a shovelbum in real life. I was there to see a derringer come out of a public outhouse in the ruins of Old Catawba at one dig, I've helped map out Mississippian amerind village layouts by exposing the features left by 500-year old postholes in others. Why should livejournal be any different? If the intimate details of strangers' lives don't intrigue you at times, you are probably a little dead inside.

But all of that is really just an extremely long-winded intro and excuse for posting a response to a question melt212 asked 4 years ago.

> What's the most painful thing you've ever felt
> and how would you rank it on a scale from 1-10?

I know this post is ancient and it's weird replying to it four years later, but hey, my TV is broken and I'm bored. And also, the honest answer to it cracks me up.

Nose smashed from a corner kick: 6
Knocked unconscious with a steel prybar: 7
Broken fingers from staff fighting: 5
Aikido wristlocks from the sensei: 8
Recovery from invasive surgery: 8
Really bad gas: 10

Seriously. It's funny, but if there is anything in life that hurts more desperately than really bad gas, I have never encountered it. I have burn scars, bone strike scars, stab scars, slice scars, you name it. But nothing hurts more desperately frantically oh-god-make-it-stop than an impacted fart.

Current Music: Atmosphere - Shoulda Known

(22 comments | Leave a comment)


From: jpeace
Date: May 6th, 2008 - 11:11 pm
The real hell is when you start the sweating and shallow breathing. It's bad enough that your shit tube is being ripped open while you lie on the bathroom floor, but now you've got to be soggy and miserable and panicked. What the hell, evolution?

[User Picture] From: billyfleetwood
Date: May 6th, 2008 - 11:48 pm
I feel like I know that gas pain you speak of, and It doesn't top my list...

improperly anesthesized root canal: 9
Ankle rolled over so far that i was standing upright and could read the bottom of my shoe :8 (would be a 10, but luckily I passed out.
The really bad gas thing:7
Baseball bat to the side of the head. 5 (It hurt, but the scrambling of my senses, combined with the immediate sensation that I was about to die was way worse than the pain. Probably the closest I've come to an out of body experience.)

[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: May 6th, 2008 - 11:55 pm
Huh. Never had a root canal, but I've had pretty extensive drilling without any anesthetic at all several times. Navy dentists sucked so bad at finding the nerve (to inject the novocaine into) that I actually preferred they just skip it entirely; a missed novocaine injection is three or four hours of your jaw hurting like a mule kicked it (4) whereas the unanesthetized drilling sucks while it's happening (6 or 7) but stops hurting immediately when the drilling is over.

Your baseball bat to the head sounds like my prybar to the head. Everything just went completely gray, I couldn't see, and I didn't remember it until somebody told me about it later but I kept saying "fuck, fuck, oh fuck, shit, fuck, shit" etc etc for about 30 seconds or so until the lights came back on. The corner kick to the nose was almost that bad, but not quite, even though it did liberate enough blood to *completely* soak the front of my jersey.

[User Picture] From: billyfleetwood
Date: May 6th, 2008 - 11:54 pm
also I'd like to add how odd it is that I know grown-ass men who have never so much as been in a fistfight, yet I'm reading your list of pain and it seems completely normal to me.

[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: May 7th, 2008 - 12:02 am
Fight Club, man. Too much of the Ikea lifestyle. If you're getting in fights or getting cut up or bruised up doing hard work your life isn't perfect.

I've always admired and aspired to be more of the grizzled sergeant than the officer, the machine shop foreman than the suit-wearing owner. Which makes for sort of a weird contrast with a career in IT. I don't really fit in either world on a full-time basis.

[User Picture] From: bitchness
Date: May 6th, 2008 - 11:58 pm
Recovering from childbirth - 10

Childbirth isn't actually that bad as the adrenaline kind of numbs your whole body. The after effects, however, the organs shrinking and moving back into the normal places, the healing of the massive tear in the vaginal area, the need for a bottle of hot water to replace toilet paper, yeah... not so much fun.

By the way, we have known each other since before LiveJournal existed, so I think you may come across entries that you've forgotten about, or didn't read because we weren't speaking at the time, but nothing that predates any of your knowledge of me. That is weird, since we've never actually met in person.

[User Picture] From: herbaliser
Date: May 7th, 2008 - 12:05 am
don't get kidney stones

[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: May 7th, 2008 - 12:09 am
I've heard that doctors say they are a reasonable referent for a 10. I don't see any reason to disbelieve that.

Rightly or wrongly, when a friend had kidney stones and I was trying to think what it must be like for him, I imagined it as having really bad gas of the dick. Or the bladder really. But "bad gas of the dick" sounds funnier.

[User Picture] From: surrealestate22
Date: May 7th, 2008 - 02:10 am
i second kidney stones. (but not the dick gas part) ;p

From: treyh37
Date: May 7th, 2008 - 07:22 am
yeah my dad had kidney stones 5-10 years ago, hope that never happens to me.

also not sure how much sci-fi fantasy kinda books you read but if you do I suggest "The Name of the Wind" to read, its very good and a decent length

[User Picture] From: clme
Date: May 8th, 2008 - 02:13 am
My grandmother had 8 kids, and said that kidney stones hurt at least as bad as childbirth. She is also funny as hell when she's on narcotics, but thats only slightly related :-)

My dad has had kidney stones four times. The last time they couldn't break them up because of the type of stones he had developed. I guess they were sharp, so the doctors solution was to put a 'stint' in his urethra and feed him lots of special foul-tasting liquid. Three months later he was still in pain and the stones hadn't passed. I forget how they finally fixed it, but it was amazing to see him walking upright again.

[User Picture] From: handofme
Date: May 7th, 2008 - 01:54 am
You could take up ameture Jogi bear wrestling to pass the time.

[User Picture] From: tawnyleona
Date: May 7th, 2008 - 03:58 pm
It's kinda funny...I've been in so much pain for the past 2 years that nothing really feels like pain anymore. It's like I've suddenly become a scientologist and convinced myself there is no such thing as pain. Now it's just moods. If I'm in a bad mood, it's like a 10 on the pain scale. No shit. I'm not buying everything advertisments sell me, but depression really does fucking hurt.

Might also help that I'm so narc'd up that I probably wouldn't care if I broke my leg. But that's probably why the mood thing affects me more. Narcotics don't get rid of the pain; they just adjust your caring level. So the worse mood I'm in, the more I care about my head hurting.

This probably doesn't make much sense, but little that I've written in the past two years does, anyway.

[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: May 7th, 2008 - 04:03 pm
I think I can kind of get a grip on it actually. I tend to be largely unimpressed with pain - feeling injured scares me, but pain itself is generally not such a big deal - and for the rest, I was on oxycontin for a while after the wisdom teeth came out and, uh, yeah, holy shit does that ever change your brain chemistry.

I think the hardest thing for me to understand intuitively is being in a bad mood at all when seriously narc'ed up. I wasn't on the oxy long enough to develop a tolerance; I don't think I physically COULD have gotten in a bad mood during that week or so. I know that would have changed had I stayed on it longer, but during that week I honestly think had I been told that I and everyone I loved was dying I'd have been like, that is sad, but the world is full of beauty, I am so happy that we got to experience it for a while.

Oxy is some scary shit.

[User Picture] From: herbaliser
Date: May 7th, 2008 - 04:36 pm
whereas I'm like, if anything dares to penetrate my pink cloud, i want to rage.

[User Picture] From: tawnyleona
Date: May 7th, 2008 - 04:44 pm
Once you gain a tolerance, that love-everyone-I'm-in-the-best-mood-in-the-world develops into a I-can't-believe-I'm-on-this-shit-forever-and-it-doesn't-even-make-me-drunk kinda funk.

I used to LOVE any type of opioid, but now they do absolutely NOTHING to me. It's very very sad. Kind of like what a heroin addict must feel.

[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: May 7th, 2008 - 06:38 pm
I can understand that. I'm very aware of the danger of losing things. Anything I immediately love that much, I'm thinking warily about what it will be like when it no longer works anymore. I only did E once, but it was the most mind-blowing chemical experience I had ever had. And as soon as I came down enough to be halfway rational, my first thought was "I can not do that again for at LEAST six months."

After a week on Oxy, I started looking curiously on the internet to see how available it was and in what prices. The difficulty of finding it - and the price if you did - fucking staggered me. (Along with the dosages. Obviously no real user would even have bothered looking at the pitiful little 5mg doses that had me high as a goddamn kite and in love with the world for my brief little week.)

I was honestly almost as relieved as I was disappointed. Drug suppression usually really pisses me off, as it's an excuse to blame things rather than people. And people, in my experience, generally either will self-destruct or they won't. Someone who will self-destruct will do so with or without any particular drug. Someone who won't will either quit taking the drug entirely at some point, or will keep it in check. But Oxy was waaaayyyyy different than any of the strictly illegal drugs of my experience. I still like to think that I would largely do a good job self-regulating, I am a careful person. But unlike most drugs I'm not so certain that its unavailability isn't a good thing.

[User Picture] From: lindapendant
Date: May 7th, 2008 - 06:57 pm
Waking up from abdominal surgery feeling like they gave you tylenol and staying that way for 18 hours : 1,000.

[User Picture] From: enotnert
Date: May 7th, 2008 - 10:54 pm
you know, I do have a nice new 50" tv you're more than welcome to bum some time on ;-)

most painful experience. . .

physical? 4th grade, getting cornered by 5 guys, held, and repeatedly kicked in the balls by all of them


well I don't like talking about brandon dieing anymore

[User Picture] From: clme
Date: May 8th, 2008 - 02:28 am
Long Winded. Gas. Heh.

When I think back to times I've been in pain, bad gas after spicy (and undercooked) Laotian food actually is near the top of the list. Especially the sweat and passing out on the floor in front of the toilet bit. I thought I was fucking on the toilet, and that bothered me a lot.

I've had a wrecking bar to the head I'd rate about a 7. The blow brought me to my knees and left a baseball sized lump on the back of my skull. It also had me seeing stars for hours. The kid that hit me left before I was even standing on my own feet again... which was probably wise considering my mood at that moment. We'd been sharing a confined workspace (hallway) and he didn't look behind him before taking a particularly stupid-wild swing at some old plaster.

Sinus headaches that wont respond to Sudafed or aspirin: 7

Infected in-grown toenail getting ran over by a pallet jack: 6

Joint pain from Lyme disease: 4

Probably a lot of other things I've either blocked out or just dont recall after the fact. Sharp pain never seems as bad when I think about it a year later... its the dull long term pain I remember.

[User Picture] From: staringgoldfish
Date: May 8th, 2008 - 07:14 pm
Of all of the injuries I've had that required a visit to the ER or the clinic, probably the broken metacarpal hurt the least. Fourteen years old, Shotokan class, free fighting. I threw a punch at the same time the sasquatch sensei paired me with threw one and our fists collided. Mine lost. Classic boxer's fracture. It was sore, but the only actual pain happened when the doc reset it. I'd give it a 5.

Worst ever was just before Thanksgiving of '97 when I ran my hand through a machine at work, crushing it between a coat roller and its doctor roller. Fortunately they had been gapped sufficiently so as to not break any bones, amazingly. Still some pretty good soft tissue damage though. When the doc gasps and winces when he looks at your affected hand, you know you fucked up. Gave that one a 9. Demerol is some mighty good shit, lemme tell you.

[User Picture] From: lauracroft
Date: May 13th, 2008 - 06:12 pm
I didn't know you dive: that kicks butt. I'm getting certified now - I'll be Open water certified in 1 week.

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