June 21st, 2008


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jimbojones
03:27 pm - is it can be relationship time nao?
So, LOLcatspeak aside, I'm seeing somebody now. (Hi Janis!) "Tumultuous" and "tempestuous" are words that come to mind; also maybe a little bit scary (I'd use "terrifying" for the alliterative value, but it's far too strong for the actual description).

This morning, we had a really long talk about relationshippy/life-y stuff; or possibly two medium-to-long talks separated by an intermission in which a chainsaw was to be fetched, but was not fetched due to the entrance from the wings of a person who is bound and determined to do the charger-on-a-white-horse thing for the person who originally needed the chainsaw. Unrequited love and powersaws; what else goes as well together?

But anyway, yeah, so we had this long talk. Or two. And I think it (they?) was (were?) good. I definitely feel better than I did before them, at any rate. There is of course the observation that long scary Talks are a little unusual for people who have literally only known each other for a little over a week... but, y'know, honestly that kind of fits me anyway. I am not a fan of people who don't know what they want (or refuse to let significant people IN on what they want), and I am also definitely over the whole "let's just kill time pleasantly for a while" thing. You certainly don't need to - and shouldn't - start Deciding Your Future within the first few dates, but honestly, isn't it a good thing to at least be thinking about it? Even then?

Especially once you've hit your thirties. The time for aimless dicking around, really, is over.

Of course, probably one of my bigger difficulites in earlier relationships is that during the time that I should have been aimlessly dicking around, I was already trying to find the one relationship to rule them all, the one relationship to bind them forever, so I tried to find it with people I really never should have. So, it's still a little scary. But then, at this point in my life, my biggest fear really isn't so much "leaping into the wrong relationship" as "staying in a relationship that isn't horrible, but isn't destined to make it". Exactly what I seem to have always done, in other words. I don't want to "just kill time pleasantly", but I especially don't want to go through another cycle of one or two or three years of relationship followed by breakup followed by another year getting my head back together and then be back to square one again. I don't want a relationship "to learn more about myself" and then start over, I want a relationship that will stick, and last, and can be built on. Learning more about myself is fine and dandy, but "hey, you burned another couple of years pointlessly" isn't something I want to learn.

So, here I find myself, discussing pretty serious relationshippy stuff with a girl I've only known for a week or so. Weighing the balance between "that's good, we're both the kind of person who discusses that stuff, even in the early stages!" and "oh shit, am I jumping too far, too fast?" I am definitely inclined more toward the former than the latter. But still, sometimes getting (the beginnings of) what you want can be scary.


 
Current Mood: introspective
Current Music: Teddybears STHLM ft Neneh Cherry - Yours To Keep

(11 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:



 
[User Picture] From: discogravy
Date: June 21st, 2008 - 08:08 pm
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also, gay navy sex.

yes, but is she part of the filtered friends-list on LJ where you discuss the unprotected sex and drug use of your porn star years.


 
[User Picture] From: clme
Date: June 22nd, 2008 - 03:13 am
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Re: also, gay navy sex.

Oh man! Those videos were classic!

Who knew that tamarind could be used as a lubricant?



 
[User Picture] From: enotnert
Date: June 22nd, 2008 - 03:46 am
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Re: also, gay navy sex.

that horrifies me in so many ways.


 
[User Picture] From: discogravy
Date: June 22nd, 2008 - 10:57 pm
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Re: also, gay navy sex.

oh, he doesn't wear a mustache anymore.


 
[User Picture] From: enotnert
Date: June 22nd, 2008 - 03:46 am
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Re: also, gay navy sex.

and I knew a 300lb woman whose lube of choice was dukes mayonnaise


 
[User Picture] From: discogravy
Date: June 22nd, 2008 - 10:58 pm
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Re: also, gay navy sex.

::tuna jokes::


 
[User Picture] From: lisa_e_is_me
Date: June 22nd, 2008 - 01:32 pm
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Good for you both! I always thought you had way too much awesome to keep to yourself, so I'm glad you found someone to share your bad self with. I agree that there is no need to waste time, either. If you're feelin' it, may as well jump in!



 
[User Picture] From: theonyx
Date: June 22nd, 2008 - 05:44 pm
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Hrrmm. You are vague enough about that conversation that I don't know whether I would personally consider it A Good Thing or A Red Flag, but if you came out of it feeling happier, what I think doesn't really matter. I'm glad to hear things are looking up. :)


 
From: irishinblythe
Date: June 23rd, 2008 - 04:49 am
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Dicking Around...

Ok being that I know this incredible girl, I have to say, Im not at all surprised to read your blog. If there is one thing I admire about her, its her ability to be blunt about anything. We are both about the same age and like you said, after failed relationships, I can relate to the wanting to not dick around about whats going on.

Ive gotten a lot of crap previously for moving in with someone quickly...In my view, it was well worth it. Why waste 1-2 years dating, THEN move in together, only to find out that my obsessive habit about doing laundry daily drives him bonkers? Just my thoughts on it...


 
From: irishinblythe
Date: June 23rd, 2008 - 07:08 am
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Blog was fitting to my life right now too...

So I realize I have already left you one comment about your blog but wanted to comment again. Its funny I read this tonight as I found myself in a similar situation after reading this. I have been dating someone probably about the time you two have been dating. Tonight we were having a text message conversation while he was at work. We were discussing plans to get together and various other random stuff.

Out of the blue I get a text asking, "How tied to the Southwest are you?" It was a rather important question similar to, "Would you have more children?" Obviously career wise, its important to him to have someone who isnt rooted to one area (border patrol) just like it was important to him to know if I'd be open to having more kids since thats something he wants. While Im not going to marry him tomorrow, its good to know now vs down the road that yes, Id have more kids, and yes, Id be willing to relocate for a better career opportunity.

To be perfectly honest, its flattering that he actually thought of me enough to ask those questions. Like you, I dont want to just kill time pleasantly. Just wanted to thank you for sharing your feelings on the subject - makes me think Im not crazy for having a similar discussion...Ok well maybe a little but at least I know a few other people are just as crazy :)


 
[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: June 23rd, 2008 - 12:34 pm
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Re: Blog was fitting to my life right now too...

Glad you're having good stuff happen too. =)


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