January 15th, 2002

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Okay, so I had to go back to my old town and my old office to do some work for my old company this weekend... and my old girlfriend showed up, as best as I can tell just to do a drive-by because somebody saw my car in the office's parking lot on a Saturday. It was really sort of a strange vibe... she was there with a mutual friend (and co-worker of hers) for no apparent reason, and she made an absolute minimum of small talk with rather more than the minimum of eye contact and smiles, but rather less than enough to let you figure out exactly what the hell kind of vibe she was aiming for. I hate that indeterminate stuff...

Anyway, I hadn't seen her in many, many months. Hadn't talked to her in almost as many, since a rather painful and regretted (at least on my part) spate of calling-each-other in the late summer... damn she looked good. I'd actually let my memories of her dim to the point that I wondered to myself "why did I always think of her as being such a hottie? really, from a neutral perspective, she's kinda plain."

Hahaha, no, I was just toning the memories down... she's definitely got that certain something about her.

But she is just so freaking disqualified.

Still made the whole damn experience rather depressing. Old shitty town, old shitty company, old shitty office, old... not shitty, but certainly disqualified, gorgeous freaking ex-girlfriend that's still just as damned full of mixed messages as she was when we split, which is a very large part of WHY we split.

Getting home felt pretty good.
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A somewhat younger friend of mine has been telling me stories about the (legal) teenager that he's not-exactly-dating. He doesn't want a relationship, and mostly she pretends not to either - but he can't figure out why she keeps going from random "daring" meaningless blowjobs and "just having fun" to getting all kissy and "sweet" and domestic and, well... girlfriend-y.

It seems pretty obvious to me - some women rush to give out casual sex, just like some men rush to pick up the dinner check... and either way, it's a sad little race to make the other side feel obligated to give them something that THEY want, with the tacit assumption that the other side DOESN'T want it and wouldn't be likely to grant it if not maneuvered into it.

It's all a matter of perspective.

(It's also, if you ask me, more fucked up than a football bat. But hey, it's not like I can point to my happy wife and children of umpteen years, so whaddoIknow?)
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