September 21st, 2002

static (transparent)

Disqualified, part deux

I was reading through friends' LiveJournals tonight, and out of boredom started reading through my own much-neglected one. I happened on Disqualified, from January, about running into my last ex-girlfriend. I was kinda interested to see what I'd written, because I ran into her again last week while consulting for her employers, and since then I'd been trying to compare and contrast the meetings.

Yes, I need more to keep me occupied.

Anyway, as far as I can tell, something pretty radical must have happened in her life between then and now. I hadn't had any contact with her in about six months before I ran into her the last time, and I hadn't had any contact with her from then until now - but whereas the adjective du jour had been "wistful" before, this time it was "wary".

I'm in much better shape now than I was when she knew me (or the last time she saw me), enough so that she actually didn't recognize me at first and did a double-take when she did. Once I got the work related stuff done that I was actually there for, I tried to indulge in a little small talk... but it was an exercise in futility. Basically any question I asked her got answered "Good..." and left at that. Her entire body language just screamed wariness - she wasn't hostile, but she sure as hell wasn't relaxed.

If she was a Federation starship, she'd have been at Yellow Alert.

I tried - really tried, from a we're-old-friends sort of perspective - to get her to open up. When she didn't seem like she wanted to say much about her life, I talked a little bit about how weird mine is lately, and etc - but it went over like a state trooper confiding to the speeder he just pulled over. ("Ma'am, I pulled you over for doing 63 in a 45... yeah, my life's been kinda weird lately.") Total crash and burn. I managed to get through four or five standard So, How Are You Doing? type questions and got the hell out of there as quick as I could.

The question of the hour is, what happened in her life between January and now to change her attitudes so much? I seriously doubt I'll ever know; I'm moving out of state completely soon, and won't be able to continue consulting for the company she works for anymore, so that was probably the last time I'll ever see or talk to her.

Of course it doesn't really matter - she's long since been out of my life, and I don't generally even think of her anymore unless you count the occasional One Of Those conversations with friends - you know, the kind where you start digging up and comparing each other's ghosts of relationships past. (I wonder what she'd say about how often she thinks of me?) But I do live a quiet enough life to have time for puzzlement, at least, when someone I once knew well (and loved) has so clearly undergone a complete sea change.

Ah, well. If you should ever see this, Trava... I hope life is treating you well. Good luck, and goodbye.
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