December 14th, 2007

licked a funny stamp

Molly has a history with raptors

No, not velociraptors (at least, as far as I know) but the modern kind.

I downloaded a free trial of this shitty little dungeoncrawl game called "Arkadian Warriors" from the XBox Live Marketplace last night and fired it up. Molly was napping on the other side of the couch. The intro for the game - which features 3D graphics, animation, and plot all pretty similar to what you might expect to find in a free Korean RPG - has this retarded little cartoon "goddess" come down from heaven to give you shitty little chores to do. "Go kill 16 pigs, and the pig king!" Thanks, bitch. Pallas Athene you ain't. But the important bit to this story is, the way the little Honey-Do Goddess gets down from the heavens to you is... she flies down as a big fat misshapen eagle. That makes continuous red-tail hawk cries all the way down.

At the first canned red-tail-hawk cry, Molly went from "napping face down" to "upright on all four feet and tiptoes" with no intermediate steps. She then looked up at the 65" screen, saw a big fucking misshapen bird with at least nine extra chromosomes, and teleported behind the couch while barking her little head off. Yes, I said teleported. And I meant teleported. One moment, little beagley girl is on the couch six feet from the TV, next moment she is fifteen feet and one very large couch away. No in-between stage.

She didn't stop her furious barking until the cheap korean animation version of an eaglehawkturkeybuzzardthing had landed and turned into the cheap korean animation version of a chick in a toga. At which point she glared at the TV for a second, decided no more raptors were forthcoming, and got back on the couch again.

There is a history there that I can only guess at...

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I Am Shitty Movie

So, I saw the new Will Smith flick I Am Legend with Nate and Kristen tonight.

Suckity suck suck suck. Nate and Kristen liked it okay, but they're WAY better at toggling the "suspension of disbelief" switch than I am. I learned the following things over the course of the two hours I was stuck in I Am Legend:

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If you're really, really uncritical about movies and thoroughly capable of ignoring inconsistencies and idiocies as "part of the movie-going experience", you might like this movie. Otherwise... do yourself a favor and pass. 28 Days Later (Lite) is a turkey.

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