Zen Bastard (jimbojones) wrote,
Zen Bastard

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If you take the high road, you can drop rocks on people's heads

LJ DRAMA! Everybody needs a little... this is mine.

For those of you who don't know the background: I've been dating a (wonderful) girl who happens to be an ex-grilf of baldghoti's for a little over a year and a half now. In spite of the fact that she'd been dating other people for four months before we first hooked up, and in spite of the fact that the sole contact I had from baldghoti for the last THREE of those months was an out-of-the-blue IM saying "don't fuck her" (and saying it just like that) two days before she arrived on an airplane to visit me, baldghoti believed - and still believes - that he was "betrayed" horribly.

Despite the utter retardation of the whole thing, I gave feeling bad for the guy the old college try. I tried sending him a conciliatory email once a few months after the initial clusterfuck, and he reacted poorly, so I didn't contact him any further except for (once) sending him an email warning that the job market was really awful when he said something about quitting his current job before getting another one lined up, and (once) replying to a question he posted in his LJ about his broken car to tell him the symptoms he'd described pointed to a bad alternator.

Somewhat recently, he graciously decided to "allow" communication with the ex-grilf in question again. (As far as I can tell, the motive was mostly to show off the "dignity" with which he handles his "wounds" at her hands - and do so as often as possible.) A couple of days ago, he posted about how they're making a movie out of Philip K. Dick's novel A Scanner Darkly. So, having quite liked the book, she commented in his thread about the dismaying fact that Keanu "I am functionally retarded" Reeves appears likely to be cast as the main character. However, the comments in the post in question had otherwise all been of the sophomoric "I like Dick", "I get a lot of Dick" variety...

... and so baldghoti made the grave error of complaining about the lack of Dick joke in her comment. There's only so much comedy gold one person can reasonably be expected to resist, so she obliged him - "Well, I did get Dick from jimbojones. When he gave me his copy of Scanner." He not only immediately deleted the joke he'd requested - while leaving his complaint of lack of Dick joke undeleted, mind you - he then proceeded to give her a thoroughly wounded AIM litany, with all the dignity of a stepped-on chihuahua.

And the comedy continued - one of HIS friends, having seen the "no Dick joke" comment but not having seen the response that he deleted, jokingly mentioned what a shame it was that "She doesn't have the balls to Dick around. =(" I couldn't take it any more. I felt like Roger Rabbit in the secret room while the bad guy keeps knocking all but the "two bits" part of "Shave and a Haircut" on the walls. I had to oblige the demand for a straight line! "No, Rob just doesn't have enough balls not to delete her post." This not only enraged baldghoti enough to delete that comment as well, and not only enough to ban me from his LJ, but also enough to - gasp! - write a wounded post about it too!

And hence, today's comedy gold, which you may or may not have needed all that backstory to appreciate. In the "omfg yuo're bannd" post above, baldghoti states the following:
I don't want emails, IMs from temporary accounts, letters, visits on my doorstep, or anything. I want exactly one thing from each of you: your absence. It's the least you could do for betraying my trust.
The fact is, I have NOT emailed baldghoti other than as described above, or IMed him from temporary accounts, or written him letters, or shown up on his doorstep. But amusingly enough, what he doesn't know (AFAIK) is that I genuinely DID do one (and only one) of the following within the last few weeks:

1. dry-hump his mom and discuss his personal hygiene habits
2. shave his dog and train it to masturbate in his silverware drawer
3. break into his car and leave a diarrhetic* cat in it overnight
4. hack his computer and install a gay porn theme
5. have dinner at home with his employer and discuss his work ethic

First reader with a correct guess (excluding all involved parties and those who have already been told the story) wins a kewpie doll!

And, with that, gentle readers, we close out today's episode of LJ Drama. I don't actually get much of it very often myself, so if you need a further fix, try LJ Drama dot org (the LJ Drama specialists!) or just hit up baldghoti's LJ directly - there's bound to be more where that came from, just (probably) not involving yours truly. Thank you, and good day!

* In utterly unrelated news, it turns out that trying to find the adjectival form of "diarrhea" online will first result in finding a convenient link to Get the Most Popular Sites for "diarrhea". Thanks, dictionary.com!
Tags: girl-related, rant, vignette

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