Zen Bastard (jimbojones) wrote,
Zen Bastard

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I hate humanity and I want to resign, effective immediately.

Okay, so there's this girl K. from NJ that my best buddy N has had the mutual hots for for a couple-three weeks now. I found it rather bitterly ironic that, as it turns out, K from NJ has a long-distance boyfriend - and she wants N anyway, and is just sort of working her way up to doing something about it without telling the LD boyfriend shit about it. (If you don't know why I'd find this blackly humorous... well, let's just say I do.)

There's ANOTHER K, however, this one being K from NY, who wants N desperately. In an unrequited kind of way. And is obvious enough about it to kinda make herself a laughingstock. Well, N wanted me to go out to Jake's tonight with him... and when we met up there, he told me that BOTH K's (who had never met or heard of each other) called and announced their intentions to show up. He's trepidated, I'm jubilant. YAY, somebody else's drama! Well, my wish gets fulfilled and they BOTH show up SIMULTANEOUSLY and both head for the "falling all over N" maneuver, and there is a bit of discomfort ensuing, since neither of them is actually his grilf or anything.

N, unfortunately, although he really wants absolutely nothing to do with K from NY, just doesn't have it in him to actually push her away, so she makes a fool of herself the whole night. She actually ASKED ME, as N's friend, if she should grab his ass - wondering if he was there "with" K from NJ. I laughed and said "actually she has a boyfriend who's driving through the night to be with her" (true) "and will get here sometime in the morning, so I wouldn't worry about that too much." Kinda mean, I know, but hey, wth, it's not like I lied. So yeah, she's all over him, and later she's all over him again, and G and G's brother and G's madamoiselle du jour are all laughing their asses off at the poor girl every time she turns her back, and I'm really starting to feel kind of bad for her. So eventually when she disappears to go sit outside for a while and talk on her cell phone, I give her several minutes and follow her out there. It's an ugly, thankless job, but I kinda feel like SOMEBODY needs to tell this poor girl that N's all into the OTHER K (and vice versa) and that she really doesn't have a shot (which she most emphatically doesn't) before she embarasses herself any further. Yeah, she's not likely to thank me for it, but it's still a Good Deed.

... but what is she saying on her cell phone when I come up and sit next to her? Why, she's telling HER long distance boyfriend that SHE'S trying to whore around on how he shouldn't be mad at her, he should be pleased because she took time out from "having fun at the bar" to talk to him on the cell. Jesus, ANOTHER one?! Yeah. Anyway she finally gets off the phone with the long distance boyfriend nobody knew she had, and I tell her as gently as I can, "K, I know you're really into N, and this is kinda awkward, but somebody needs to say it - he's really into the OTHER K, and she's into him, and you don't have a shot, at all. I'm sorry."

And she looks at me like I'm an idiot and pulls the whole "oh my god, you thought I was into him?" thing. AFTER asking me if it was okay to touch his ass, mind you. After telling him "I'll show you a lot more than my apartment if you'll just come look" in front of several people; after hanging on him like a puppy all night, after brazenly asking him "so are we going to have sex tonight or what?"

I'm thinking "um, honey, everybody in the TRI-COUNTY AREA knows you're into him. Don't front" and "what the fuck is this, high school? DUH you're interested..." But instead I just gave her a pitying look and said "oh, well, my bad, I guess I just wasted my time. Sorry about that." And got up and left her there. (I know it's not easy to hear your crush isn't into you, and it's unrealistic to necessarily expect thanks when you're the messenger, but jesus!)

And if that wasn't enough, later on she comes by the table on her way out the door (when N isn't there) and looks me in the eyes and calls me by somebody else's name and tries to make it incredibly clear how I need to tell N that she's going to call him in the morning. And it's like "um, 1 that isn't my name, and 2 whatever." And then she grabbed the guy whose name she called me by in the crotch, looked at me again and attempted to once more reiterate how important the message that she would call N in the morning was, and finally made her sad, sad exit.

Meh. What the fuck is the DEAL with women?
Tags: girl-related, philosophical, rant, vignette

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