May 19th, 2005
|jimbojones||03:17 am - Episode III: the Sith Steal $8.75 From Your Wallet, Ha Ha Ha|
Remember how I said HHGTG:TM was bad? Star Wars Episode III is worse. Oh, dear god, so much worse.
The acting: Wooden. Wooden like Pinocchio's nose. Wooden like Ishmael's leg. Not just from one or two actors, EVERYBODY is solid... fucking... wood. Except for when they're half-rotted particle board. Samuel fucking Jackson is dead flat, man. How do you even do that?!
The plot: Forced. Rushed. More sparse than a "Connect the Dots" drawing without the lines drawn in yet. "Oh... gee... I just killed a Jedi Master. Oh well, I swear to be a Sith, I swear to be evil and stuff. Yay, I'm on the Dark Side now." SIGH.
The theme: I would say "undeveloped", but really, at this point it would be more accurate to say "... there was a theme?"
The fighting: God, dear god, WHY did they not keep hiring Ray Parks as choreographer even if they killed off his goddamn character in the first one? This was baaaaaad - the fight choreography was actually better in the FIRST trilogy than it was in Episode III. And that's... really, really saying something. I dearly loved the first trilogy, but not because of virtuoso hand-to-hand fight choreography...
The CGI: for the love of Ghod, EVEN THE FUCKING CGI WAS BAD. There is one scene where Obi-Wan is standing next to an incredibly annoying chirping dragon steed thing that he's been riding, and not only does it look so obviously blue-screened that you're wondering if you've time-warped back to the 80's, the lighting angle is different between the glare on Obi-Wan's forehead and the scales of the dragontweetywhatsitthing. I GET BETTER PHOTOSHOP THAN THAT FOR FREE ON THE INTERNET!
Current Mood: deflated and disgusted
Current Music: whoooooosh of the AC unit
"Anni, I love you more 'cause you're shmoopie!" "No Padme, I love you more 'cause you're shmoopie!" Yeah, ugh, wtf?
Re the jedi in Palpatine's chamber: OMG I'M SAYIN'. The worst was that the first one Palpatine killed DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO PARRY THE THRUST. And it wasn't even a surprise! He whipped out the saber SITTING AT HIS DESK ACROSS THE ROOM, DELIVERED A LINE OF DIALOGUE, THEN RAN ACROSS THE ROOM! And this "Jedi Master" just stood there with his own saber out and ignited and let Palpatine stab him! God I wanted to cry it was so awful.
All of the Jedi that got exterminated during the, well, Jedi extermination went down like total pussies too. Like ten guys with blasters took down the one dude with the big head, and a lot of them didn't even fight at ALL. It was horrid. If all it takes is ten grunts with blasters to take down a Jedi, then why do you even need to BOTHER taking down the Jedi, right?